By Sibusiso Vilane
I grew up as a homeless boy after my parents separated when I was only three years old.
This subjected me to a less than ideal and mostly desperate upbringing. I never knew the thing called “fatherly love”. When my father left us, we became my grandmother’s responsibility. My father never took responsibility for our upbringing and childhood needs, yet he was the one who had brought us to this world.
My younger sister and I were treated badly because we had no mother or father to protect us.
While our grandmother looked after us, she had no power to defend us. Other kids took advantage of us.
I had no father figure to look up to, to show me how to live life, lead a family and how to treat my own children. That meant my adult life was going to be influenced by what I thought, than what I had been taught by my father. I knew no home or house rules.
Fathers influence the way we grow up and help us figure out how to lead our own lives and run our own families when we grow up. We emulate how they treat their children and our mothers.
Fatherless boys, therefore, face numerous challenges, especially when there is no social father to provide mentorship and guide them at the age when they most need it. How do we then expect them to know how to deal with life and those around them? We cannot leave it to them to figure things or life on their own. It’s time we, as grown men, assume the responsibility of mentoring boys and young men.
I was fortunate that from as young as three years old I had an open mind to realise how different I was from other children who grew up with both parents. From then on, I chose the life I was going to try and lead.
But not many boys have that capability to recognise and distinguish that which will impact their lives in a negative way. That’s where mentorship plays a pivotal role. This is what makes me want to play my part in mentoring boys – coach them about life and guide them on how to live life in a responsible manner.
Let us step in, as men, and play our part in building a society we desire. There is a plethora of much-needed programmes to educate, empower and upskill the girl child and young women. We cannot afford to leave the boy child behind.
If you are wondering where to start, look around your close or extended family, do research in your neighbourhood and church and look for organisations that invite volunteers to join their mentoring programmes.
Talk to your stokvel members about starting a Boys2Men Stokvel that meets monthly to support or mentor selected boys for at least 12 months.
I would like to challenge businesses and corporates to partner with organisations such as Sivusisizwe Africa Initiatives that are designing interventions to support township-based fatherless boys. Among the various interventions worthy of support are experiential weekend camps for boys. If we hope to have future leaders who are responsible, we must act now.
Sibusiso Vilane is a motivational speaker, adventurer, marathon runner, mountaineer and a member of the Advisory Committee for Sivusisizwe Africa Initiative. He has written a book titled, To the Top from Nowhere.
