By Themba Khumalo
When most people hear the term Gende-Based Violence (GBV) or Domestic Violence their minds swiftly imagine a woman being abused by her male partner. The assumption is set on the default position that only women and children are victims of abuse.
However, this does not always tell the full story. It is not always the case – because there are men who get physically abused by their female partners most of the time…some even by children. This ruinous state of affairs is often overlooked or not given the serious attention it deserves, owing to the reversed gender roles.
I have listened to some men admitting to what it is really like to be in an abusive relationship. It is of no substance what gender you are, what is important is to remember that abuse is never acceptable in any relationship.
A sizeable number of organisations’ laser-sharp focused programmes have had a significant impact in attracting attention to the evil of abuse against women and children, but there is negligible attention, if any, on similar problems of abuse against men.
A cursory glance on social media is sufficient to growing evidence via text, videos and photographs revealing that as much as it is understated, not discussed enough, not properly documented and, worst of all, less-acknowledged, abuse against men is a serious issue that deserves urgent and serious attention.
This, by the way, is a global phenomenon. Abuse of men knows no limits or respects any social standing. Johnny Depp, the star of movies such as A Nightmare on Elm Street, Edward Scissorhands, Pirates of the Caribbean, who is perhaps one of the most versatile actors of his day and age in Hollywood, suffered abuse at the hands of his wife.
“She hit, punched and kicked me. She also repeatedly and frequently threw objects into my body and head, including heavy bottles, soda cans, burning candles, television remote controls and paint thinner cans, which severely injured me,” he recalls.
An entertainment and tech journalist, Kenneth Utama from Jakarta wrote a confession about his experience in the Jakarta Post: “I was emotionally abused and insulted for almost the whole time that I was in that relationship.
“No matter what I did, I felt her grip on my throat. I didn’t feel like a man any more. I felt like half of what I was (although I had gained another half of myself in weight) and yet I continued to believe everything was okay. Even though there were times when I would wake up in the middle of the night because my mind would wander, and the moment I started thinking about how she compared me to others, I would break down.
“I would cry, run my hands through my hair and have this sensation of heat that just flowed up and down my body, and somehow, would wake up the next morning and convince myself that everything was okay, but somewhere deep inside I knew I was being broken piece-by-piece until there was nothing left.”
Gender-based violence has become a pandemic that occurs every single day. In fact, our country is up there with the worst countries in the world when it comes to domestic abuse and violence. Sadly though, there is no considerable attention directed toward the fight against men abuse.
Most of the cases of GBV reported are by women. This does not, by any chance, indicate that men are not victims of GBV. As men, we are regrettably not as much inclined to report abuse because of the stigma attached to being a man. This blocks us from speaking out.
The minute number of men who gather the courage to report their experiences of abuse to the police or any person associated with officialdom, face the risk of being subjected to secondary victimisation. They are ridiculed and at time denied assistance. These are the terrible results of stigmatisation.
The rise of abuse against men warrants programmes designed to deal with this problem. It is highly commendable that government and non-profit organisations are devoting millions of rands every year in the war against GBV.
It is worrying though that a massive chunk of this money is spent on campaigns against abuse of women and children at the exclusion of men. A percentage of the funds should be dedicated to campaigns against men abuse.
Do it because there are also men out there who suffer, daily, from abuse and it is dangerous that not much is done.
